Okay, so this post has absolutely nothing to do with a depressing and sad Garth Brooks song, other than the fact that it popped into my head when I rolled over and saw the clock on my night stand said 3:30 a.m. this morning. Weird, because I haven't heard the song in years. However, given the rather vivid dream I had just waken up from, the whole concept of thunder seemed remarkably apt. I woke up with a very strong desire to tell a certain person just exactly what I thought of him/her and how he/she made me feel. If you know me very well, you'll know that I am extremely conflict averse, so naturally my determination to tell this person off was quickly succeeded by an earnest hope that I would never have to do so. I spent the next several wide-awake minutes fervently praying for the person and earnestly asking God to provide someone else to give this person a good shake, instead of me. Deep in my heart, the thunder rolled.
Okay so where is this going? Well, it all made a lot of sense when I was wide awake a 3:30 this morning, and I should've just blogged it then. Along with the song, a bible verse that was read at small group last night also popped into my head in the wee hours of the morning. It was almost like a response to my prayer, comforting yet convicting me at the same time in regards to my feelings and thoughts about this individual. The verse is Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." I'm sure I've mentioned it before. It's short (so easy to remember) and is incredibly profound in its simplicity. It also comes out of a section of Romans Chapter 12 that is all about loving others and interacting with others. Appropriate, huh?
BE JOYFUL IN HOPE. It's easy to lose hope sometimes. Thinking about my relationship with the individual in question, it's been a long, drawn-out, frustrating ordeal, and sometimes I began to doubt that anything really good could ever come out of it. Thus, I go into it with a negative spin from the beginning. This verse challenges me to stop dwelling on the negative, and instead focus on the good things I see; the reasons for hope. This morning I started thinking of an Easter egg hunt, where the kids run around the yard searching eagerly in joyful anticipation of finding a hidden egg filled with goodies. So intent are they on their excitement and joy that they usually don't notice the bugs and dirt and grime and cobwebs the eggs might be stuffed back into. They are only concerned about the prize that's concealed within. That's how I need to look at this. There is still reason to hope. God is still at work, and the diamond in the rough may yet be revealed. That I can look forward to with joy.
BE PATIENT IN AFFLICTION. One summer I worked in Salina. On my way to work I always had to cross two or three sets of active railroad tracks, so unless I timed it just right, my chances of getting trained (stopped by the train and having to wait for it to pass) were pretty good. To get around the train I would've had to drive a mile east, or a good half a mile west in order to find an overpass that crossed above the tracks. It wasn't worth that much trouble, so I usually just waited it out. One day (when I was already late, of course) I got to the tracks just as the arms came down. I stopped. The locomotive engine approached slowly, and crossed the intersection. When about four or five cars of the 100 car train had crossed in front of me, it slowed and stopped all together. Super, I thought, now what? Lo and behold, the cars started backing up. They backed up until the engine was just about right in front of me again, then stopped once more. A few moments later, it pulled forward a couple of cars. Then backwards...and forwards...and backwards...you get the idea. They must have been changing cars. I debated pulling out and heading for the western overpass, but figured that with my luck, as soon as I left the train would get moving again, so I waited. Finally, sometime later, the engine backed up far enough that the arms went up, and I dashed across the intersection (well...drove) before it could come back forward and set the bells off again. Needless to say, I wasn't very patient during all this. It just goes to show, I have my own schedule worked out for the way things should go, and waiting for a long time doesn't fit in with it very well. I guess sometimes God decides he need to park a train in my way to slow me down a bit, before he'll let me cross and see what he's been doing on the other side. Likewise, I haven't seen the answers to my prayers and the results I've wanted to see in this other person's life...and it's been nearly fifteen years! Oh, I'm not saying there haven't been little things that I could regard as answered prayers, because there have. But ultimately the situation is still not resolved, and I want it fixed NOW! God wants me to be patient and wait...he'll move the train in his own time.
BE FAITHFUL IN PRAYER. So here's the part of the verse that I find really convicting. As I laid in bed praying this morning, it is almost as if I heard a voice say, "Heather, you've complained about this often enough, but have you faithfully lifted [this person] up in prayer?" The answer, I'm ashamed to say, is no. No...my prayers haven't been persistant, patient and hopeful. They've been sporadic, situational, and shaky at best. If I really believed that God could and would answer my prayers, I would be on my knees all the time petitioning for this person. I say I believe he answers prayers. I've experienced it in other areas of my life, but yet I can't seem to stay the course and keep praying for this person. To me, the need for divine intervention seems urgent, yet I don't pray with much urgency about it. God has shown himself to be faithful. Perhaps all he asks is a little faithfulness from me...to pray faithfully...truly believing I will see his goodness unfold in the life of my troubled friend. Praying has never come easy to me, but I hope, with another renewed effort (and a few prayers from you all, if you don't mind) that I will learn to ask and listen, and to uphold this person fervently each and every day. Why not see what good will come of a little faithfulness in prayer?
And the thunder rolls...the thunder rolls.
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