Pets

My oldest son (6) is what I would affectionately call a bookworm.  He is rarely to be found without a book in hand.  First thing in the morning, you'll find him in the easy chair in the living room with a book.  Throughout the day, he'll be walking around with one, copying text or ideas out of them, reading them to his brother (or trying to play teacher with lil' bro), he'll bring one out to the hammock or garden and read while I'm trying to get some work done outside, he'll bring a whole stack of them on a car trip, and even after light's out it's not unusual to find him up reading with his bed light still on.  I think he takes after me.  :)  He also absorbs their contents with amazing alacrity.  He recently earned a book about beginning to play chess, and by the end of the day knew enough about the pieces and moves to play a pretty good game.  He enjoys a good adventure story (the Imagination Station series is his favorite), and loves puzzles books, he's currently reading Exodus in his bible, but he really loves non-fiction...especially if it has to do with science.  The other evening he pulled Nathan's giant "The Scientists" book off of the hall shelf with the intention of reading through it.  I think he made it though the first page, copying down some notes, and then we had to go to bed.  He reads through some of them so quickly I don't even know he's done it, and others he reads and re-reads and then even wants to read with me.  I tried to discover if he was actually getting what he was reading, or if he was just skimming through, and after quizzing him over a couple books (both comprehension and vocabulary words), I have to admit that he's understanding and remembering most of what he reads.  One of my larger concerns when they closed the schools and shut the library down due to COVID-19 was how I could keep enough books around for him to keep reading.  Fortunately his aunt (who teaches 4th grade) had ordered some books for her classroom and was willing to share, so he was able to get some new material.  :)  

That's great Heather, you are thinking, what does this have to do with a blog titled "Pets"?  Well...in some ways I think books are Elijah's pets.  And so far, our April and May have been filled with a variety (and rapid succession) of books.  They have also be filled with a variety and rapid succession of biological pets...mostly owing to son number two (age 4).  I think perhaps the best birthday present we have ever given Case was a little $2.50 bag filled with ten or so tiny frogs.  I actually used them to decorate his birthday cake, which resembled a frog pond.  This kid loves frogs.  His affection and excitement doesn't stop at frogs, however.  Any creepy, crawly, scaly, or fuzzy thing, on land, in the water, or in the air, is a source of ecstatic excitement for him.  The second best present I think he's received is the Smithsonian Animal Book.  This book is only five months old, and the spine portion and cover are already starting to wobble and weaken.  He takes this book from room to room constantly.  Mommy has to sit on the couch and pretend to "fish" for all six pages of fresh water and deep sea fishes found in it's pages.  I might have the amphibian and worm pages memorized.  He sleeps with this book.  That's how much he loves it.  It is fun, however, when we are out playing in the yard (every day is a biology lesson!) and he picks up an crane fly or oak gall and says "Mommy, what's this?" and I tell him what it is and then add, "there's a picture of that in your book."  The last time we were at Bass Pro he was stationed by the fish tank educating anyone who came near enough to hear him about what each and every fish in the tank was called.  I think he references going fishing at least once a day.  He always wants to go for walks to try to find fish, frogs, turtles, or anything else he can lay his hands on, carrying his battered old plastic minnow bucket down the road.  And of course, if he catches them, he wants to keep them (other than the big frog, which he wanted to eat).  That brings us to the pets.  In addition to Spots the spotless dog and our three cats, at one point in April we were also the proud caretakers of 5 tiny tadpoles collected from a mud puddle, a freshwater clam (yes, and it was alive), a snail, a slug, a bottle calf name George, several worms, a butterfly, and a whole clan of cutworms.  The tadpoles, regretfully, were tough to keep alive.  You have to change their water (non-chlorinated, of course) every few days, and even though they had clean water and plenty of boiled lettuce to eat, their numbers decreased until we were down to one, and then he didn't make it either.  Fortunately, the "newness" and excitement of each pet wears off after a few days, so Case really didn't miss the tadpoles when they were gone.  "Snaily" as he was affectionately called, lived for a couple of weeks in a giant plastic pretzel jar before I dumped him out in the yard.  He and Mr. Slug and their families are probably what's been out in my garden eating my broccoli plants.  The huge clam always kind of creeped me out a little, so one day I finally told Nathan that he needed to go back to the creek (seriously, how exciting is a clam?), and I think the cutworms just devoured all their lilac leaves and then got set outside and forgotten on too hot a day.  The butterfly I made the boys let go after a short stay in our butterfly jar, and the worms are either living happily in our worm farm bin or in the cottage cheese tub in our refrigerator that holds the fishing worms.  We still have George the calf, and he still gets his bottles of milk every day.  Although pet our numbers decreased for a time, they have now increased again.  We have added Mr. Toad and Mr. Frog to our menagerie.  Mr. Toad is really quite interesting and easy to care for.  After living a week in a plastic bulk peppermint container, we created him a bigger and better habitat in a plastic tote.  It's fun if you can watch him eating a worm, but since he's a toad, he also likes to burrow, so he spends a lot of his time hiding.  On Sunday we took a walk to two of the ponds in the pasture around our house and came home with a little frog.  He has joined Mr. Toad in the habitat, and likes to sit by the water dish, but I think his time in captivity will be short.  Frogs don't make very good pets because they are always trying to jump out of the box every time the lid comes off.  I refuse to have a frog hopping around inside my house.  So those are "Case's" pets.  Daddy says he needs to be better about taking care of them each day (and not letting Mommy do it) before he can get chickens.  After that, he really wants a milk cow.  :)  

This brings us to our last and perhaps strangest pet:  Sourdough.  Yes, I am calling my sourdough starter a pet, because you have to feed it - sometimes twice a day.  I really enjoy baking bread, and I've done quite a bit of it, but sourdough is one type I have not attempted before.  Why am I making sourdough?I'll be honest, I've never really been that big of a fan of sourdough bread when I've tried it, finding it dry and the "tangy" flavor a little off-putting.  However the stores are out of yeast, my small stash has be used up, and Friday night "homemade pizza night" must go on!  I know, I could use something else for the crust (and I have), but I thought I'd give the sourdough route a try anyway.  Imagine my consternation when I started looking at sourdough recipes (both starters, and recipes made from starters) and discovered that many of them still call for yeast.  What's the point of making sourdough if it still takes yeast?  I needed some yeast-less bread, so the sourdough starter I made is the real deal (my recipe here).  I just happened to have a couple of cups of whole rye flour in the freezer, so I added a little water and put it on the counter to see what happened.  Now it's day five and I have a pretty vigorous little bubbling concoction in my jar.  I think it's about to the point where I can begin to use it and refrigerate the starter.  Near as I can tell, when yeast is added to the recipe with the starter it's because they are hoping to speed up the process and not have to wait forever for the sourdough to proof naturally.  With a little planning, I think I can make the natural proofing way work, but we shall see.  It will be a learning experience, but one I am looking forward to.  We'll see how the pizza turns out on Friday night.  

So that's our parade of pets.  There's never a dull moment at the Mentzer menagerie!    

March-ing On

What a difference a month can make!  We went from a busy February filled with planning and organizing activities that were to take place in March, to a March where everything is canceled and our schedule is wiped clean of all but a few "virtual" engagements.  We've been playing lots of games at our house recently.  Lil' Miss J's favorite game to play is "Piggy Toes", where I make up all kinds of silly things for her twenty little "piggy" fingers and toes to go and do.  We now have piggy toes "COVID-19" style, where the piggies try to go places, but everywhere is closed, and so they have to all say "weeeeeeee" together at home.  So, here we are, entrenched at home like everyone else, practicing our social distancing. 

Let me first go on record and say that we as a family are taking the COVID-19 measures seriously, and that our hearts go out to those who are suffering from the virus or have lost loved ones, as well as to the medical professionals on the front line fighting to save lives.  I certainly am not eager to lose family members or become too ill to be able to care for my family.  I've been following the news, but I've tried to be careful to approach this pandemic situation with a mindset of hope, rather than fear, and to view this period of disruption as an opportunity for intentionality.  (Romans 12:12) I'll be honest...I was (secretly) kind of excited when they cancelled school for the rest of the year.  I know there are some activities and opportunities that we'll miss out on, but I love, love, love, having all of us at home together.  I've always wanted to try my hand at homeschooling, so now I get my chance.  Although I am saddened by the negative effect of the virus on families and businesses and the world as a whole, I am so very thankful for this extra time to spend with the people I love.  I am also thankful for the technology we have that lets us connect and communicate with others, even though we are miles apart.  Staying in touch regularly with friends (and even sometimes family) is something I struggle with on a normal basis, so I am thankful for the opportunity to step up my game, and be more intentional about reaching out to others via internet video chat, phone calls, or even just a good ol' hand-written letter.  


There's an added perk to deciding to leave the metropolis and going to live on a farm:  social distancing is pretty easy when there aren't many other people around.  For the most part we can continue our livelihood, because farming is kind of an isolated career anyway.  Lots of phone calls, but not that much person-to-person interaction.  If the tractor will keep running, we'll be putting seed in the ground, maybe by the end of this week.  In our case, isolation also means lots of open space and opportunities for exploration, for which I am very thankful these days.  Also, our decision for me to be an on-the-farm worker/kid-caretaker (even though it requires a pretty modest standard of living) has made this transition to everyone being at home all the time a simple and low stress one.  I am not meaning to brag here at all.  I know that not everyone can make this one-income thing work.  I know the "stay-at-home " thing is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay.  I do feel incredibly blessed

about this.  I am a homebody and a hermit.  I like being at home.  I have three young children, a dual-career husband, a dog, three cats, a bottle-fed baby calf, a 3+ acres lawn and a 4000 sq. ft garden, not to mention lots of hobbies I would LOVE to have time to pursue.  I've got plenty to do.  There is never a dull moment around here.  Just this past week, we've flown kites, blown bubbles, swung in the hammock, practiced potty-training, made gnocchi, planted some garden, had to fix BOTH the washing machine and dryer (Ok...I'm still working on the washer)  AND we had a high-speed police chase go past our house (which is kinda funny, since we live on a gravel road that is not a direct route to anywhere).  Yup...I'm good.  Plenty of excitement.  

3 Peas in a Pod

That brings me back around to thinking about the effects of the COVID-19 virus on our families and society, and the role I have as a Christian to love others, especially in a time of crisis.  I've been mulling over the church's response in these chaotic times, and feeling a little troubled because if everyone stays home, then who is available to be the hands and feet of Jesus to those in need?  Who will help meet the increased needs put upon our food pantries?  Who will offer support to those families who are struggling both financially (in the midst of layoffs and work closures) and emotionally (from the toll of having to be educator, bread-winner, all-things-to-all-people, and stuck at home all the time in a society pervaded with fear.)  It seems like this should be the time for Christians to be beacons of hope, providing resources and encouragement to our communities.  But how to respond in faith without putting others unnecessarily at risk is the tricky part.  I wonder if a lack of faith is making it convenient for me to just worry about me, myself and I.  I feel selfish, enjoying my time at home when I know that others are struggling.  These precious gifts that God has entrusted to me are important, but is God calling me to do more?  I feel like there is a role carved out for me in all this, and that He has me poised in a place He can use me, but I'm not sure He's revealed my whole role to me just yet.  So, I going to keep praying and trusting.

If you're in a similar spot, let me offer a little encouragement.  I really feel like that's the best thing we can do for one another right now...encourage.  Stay-at-home and homeschool parents...here is your time to shine.  There are other parents out there struggling at how to cope with educating and entertaining their children whilst trying to work from home.  You have tips, tricks, and resources that could be of benefit to them.  If we can share the joys, failures and frustrations of every day life with each other, then I think we can help each other through these long days and weeks ahead.  Hold out the candle of hope (1 Peter 3:15) to those that need it.  I challenge you (and me) to make choices that will solidify that hope.  If you feel helpless and need to do something, instead of buying all the toilet paper, try to pray.  Instead of binge-watching Netflix for hours, how about cracking open the cover of your bible?  Even with all the medical wisdom we have these days, we'd be silly not to continue to seek out and God and His wisdom.  That reminds me of a story.  On a trip to our local medical clinic some time ago, we were getting out of the car when Elijah asked, "Mommy, why is there a picture of a snake on the building?"  I looked up, and sure enough, there was a large, concrete-cast symbol of a snake entwined around a pole.  If you google "snake on the pole medical symbol" you will most likely bring up some info about the Greeks and Aesclepius.  I am not a medical professional so I don't know about all that, but I do know a story about a different snake on a pole that brought healing, and that's the story I told Elijah.  It occurs in the bible, in the first part of Numbers, Chapter 21, where God directed Moses to put a bronze snake up on a pole, and anyone who had a snakebite could look upon it and they would live.  Through faith, Moses's snake on the pole was an emblem of healing.  John 3:14 reminds us that like the snake and Moses, Jesus on the cross provides us a place that we can look to find healing and comfort.  Maybe the best thing we can do in times of uncertainty, is to turn our eyes upon Jesus. 

Once again, I am long and rambling.  Sorry!  We are coming up on Holy Week, so I wanted to sign off with a video...an oldie but goodie by 4Him.  Happy Easter!  

If We Do Our Job Well

Happy Leap Day!  Thanks February 2020 for giving me a bonus day to get this written.  :)  It's a long post...I probably should've written parts of it sooner and divided it up a little better.  Oh well.  Here goes...

February on the farm has been wet and muddy.  I think it snowed every single Wednesday.  My poor car tires were getting tired of sludging their way through the slimy slop roads, and I was feeling guilty for paying to wash my car each week.  The kiddos and I filled our days with LOTS of Lego building adventures (I am the designated piece finder), a couple of indoor campouts (I'm getting camping fever already!), play-doh time and maybe a dress-up dance party or two.  Elijah's been hitting the books hard this month...not studying, but reading.  He has discovered the world of beginning chapter books and is reading everything he can get his hands on.  His favorite series is The Imagination Station books from Focus on the Family's Adventures in Odyssey program.  He can hardly wait to get the next one from the library, and he devours it in no time.  I love it when he takes the time to read part of the story aloud to Case, and it's fun to find the two of them hanging blankets on the bunkbed to turn it into their own "Imagination Station".

The sun finally came out these last few days, and it has been beautiful.  The birds singing and the clover popping up in the yard are giving me spring fever.  Case and Jeanie and I were so excited to go out yesterday and start digging a new flower bed for my sunflowers.  Unfortunately, the ground was still too wet and muddy, so instead we contented ourselves with haphazardly squashing some old hollyhock seeds into the ground.  We enjoyed some outside time today as well.  What better way to end February than with a campfire supper of hotdogs and s'mores?

I continued my on-going quest for "cleanliness and godliness" this month.  I made the decision (a tough one for my creative-project-person personality) to eliminate some of the decisions from my daily tasks.  For example, I made a set menu for each week, so we basically eat the same meals each week.  This means that every Tuesday for lunch we have meatballs, every Friday night is pizza, and every Saturday morning is pancakes.  Now, there is still room for a little creativity in those parameters (I don't specify what kind of meatballs or pizzas or pancakes we will be eating), so I still feel like we get variety.  This just eliminates me having to spend time making decisions on what to plan for the menu each week, and makes it quicker and easier to get the grocery list made and meat thawed and prepped.  To some of you this may seem like a no-brainer.  I've always made a menu plan for each week, but with farmer-hubby or other interruptions, I wouldn't get the meat thawed in time, or we'd be late getting in and I'd need something to feed us ASAP, and my meal-planning efforts were kind of going to waste.  So that's the goal of the set menu:  to reduce some of the stress of what to make, and just plan for things that can be prepped basically the same way at the same time each week.

Another area I'm trying to eliminated some decision-making is in developing a prayer routine with the kids.  I've gotten over the goal to "teach my kids to say amazing, heart-felt prayers", and instead we're just starting with "helping my kids develop a habit of prayer."  In a household and lifestyle where is seems ridiculously difficult to establish any kind of consistent routine (farmers don't keep very regular hours), I've found that developing habits works better than enforcing a schedule.  So, for now, I've found a very nice little rote bedtime prayer that's short, easy for me to remember, and easy for the kids to repeat.  No matter what time or where we end up going to bed, we can still fold our hands together and say it out loud, and my hope is once we get the habit established, it will be an easy step for the kids to personalize the words to their prayer.  In fact, Case even embellished his prayer tonight by asking "that all the bad dreams go away."  Again, probably a no-brainer for some of you, but this is something that has been difficult for me to follow through on after a long day of just me and the kids.

As far as my own prayer time goes, I am still trying to make prayer/devotion time a habit for me.  I occasionally get 30 minutes to an hour of time in the middle of the afternoon or after 8:30 pm that I could utilize, but I've had to wrestle with my "this 30 minutes of time is mine to do something brainless with because I deserve it" or "productiveness frenzy...must get stuff done!" attitudes regarding that time.  Also, probably 95% of the time I am still going to get interrupted anyway.  So, that time works okay to pull out my First5 app and sneak in a quick chapter of scripture and a bit of reflection, but it's still hard to feel like I'm really able to be still and pray.  The best solution I have come up with is to get up early (like 5 or 5:30 a.m., since Elijah need breakfast by 6:30), get my cup of tea and my little notebook, and take some time to pray.  I like mornings, and I KNOW my days will flow better if I am up, refreshed, and ready to take on the day before anyone else gets up.  The hard part about morning prayer, however, is actually in going to bed.  Nathan and I don't keep very early hours.  From about 9pm to 11pm (or sometimes later) is often the only time Nathan and I have to spend a little time together and get some project/farm work done.  Unfortunately, unlike college, I can't seem to burn the candle at both ends quite as efficiently as I used to.  Therefore, my goal is to get up earlier, but then fit another time to fit in some of the after hours work, so that I can get enough sleep.  :)  If anyone reading this has tips or ideas to share about how you work prayer into your busy day, I'd love to hear them and find out what works for you.

Finally, while attending a focus group session for our farm management association, I heard something said that initially sounded very simplistic, but after reflection became much more profound.  When asked about membership numbers and the need for recruitment to grow the association, one of the staff members replied that "If we do our job well, people will sign up to become members".  He went on to describe how in the areas where the association is able to function well and really deliver a quality service to the clients, they have a waiting list of people eager to join.  That really struck me.  I tend to have a "fix-it" mind.  If people aren't showing up or the numbers aren't reflecting progress, I start looking for ways to tweak the program to make it more attractive, or to beef up advertising to get the word out faster.  This man's comments reminded me that that isn't always the best solution.  True, more advertising or flashier gimmicks may draw in a crowd, but it's a less organic form of growth, and therefore may be less sustainable and more susceptible to the trouble that stems from growing without a solid foundation.

I really thought about this comment in regards to our churches.  I have been on a journey this past year to learn about churches, more specifically I've been interested in the public's perception of them in our local community, and why people don't seem to be interested in coming, or in some cases, flat our refuse to cross the threshold of a church building.  In a rather anti-organized-religion society I find this statement being both a challenge, and a source of encouragement:  If we do our job well, people will want to be a part of it.  I've never been a believer in the "build it and they will come" mentality.  I don't think that more contemporary music, a newer brightly-painted building, super kid-oriented programming or a flashier marquee sign out front will save our churches.  Yes, I freely admit that I enjoy some of those things, and true, they may attract a crowd and fill pews.  There's nothing inherently wrong with any of them, as long as we don't let an advertising campaign and the quest for numbers distract us from doing our real job.  Sometimes the offer surface level growth but are missing the roots of the foundation.  They get people in the door, but then what?  Unless we are doing our job, those new recruits may very well fall away.  What is our real job as Christians or a church, you ask?  I think Jesus gave a pretty good job description in Matthew 22:37-39:  love God, love others.  That's our job.  If we do our job well by the power of the Holy Spirit, people will notice the love of God living through us and they will want to know what it's all about.

"Come on," you may be thinking, "I do my job.  We go to church every Sunday.  I volunteer with the kid's ministry or music or serve on the board.  I am the first one to sign-up to bring food for the potluck."  Wonderful!  It's great to be involved.  Our churches are full of Jesus-loving, servant-hearted people who are doing great work.  I'm not debating that.  What bothers me is that even with good people in our churches, the American church seems to be declining very quickly.  We're missing something here.  I can't find the quote at the moment (when I do I'll post it correctly), but I once read a remark from a famous theologian and bible teacher that said something like "If there are hundreds of thousands of people in America who claim to be Christians, why aren't we making more of a difference?"  Ouch.  Or maybe Yikes.  That bears thinking on.  Consider the early believers.  The apostles and followers of Jesus were a very small band following the crucifixion, yet in just a few short years they were changing the world.  Clearly we are missing something here.  Somewhere along the line we stopped doing our job.  It's not that there aren't good, godly people in our churches.  It's not that people aren't being impact for Christ.  They all.  I don't mean to down play the positives, but we're losing ground.  I know it's not a competition, but maybe it is a standard to measure our Christian walk by.  Maybe Sunday school and worship and bible study aren't enough.  Maybe Jesus is calling us to do something more.  Maybe somewhere down the line we started making church more about what's in it for us or what's convenient for us and less about what we can do for Jesus.  Maybe we've gotten too comfortable.

I am reminded about the parable of the three servants given the bags of gold in Matthew 25.   If Jesus was to give you (or your church) your yearly work performance report, what do you think he'd say?  I know I am hoping to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant!  You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.  Come and share your master's happiness!"  Matthew 25: 21 NIV.   But have I really been faithful with the few things he has entrusted to me?  Have I invested my "bags of gold" wisely in loving God and loving others?  Do I have a return on investment that would please the master?  Or have I only hoarded what I have been given, or been afraid to give outside of what is comfortable or easy for me?  Is there something more that I could do?  Someone else I could reach out to in God's love?  Can we measure our effectiveness as a believer and as a church?  Maybe so.  If we do our job, people will want to be part of it.  If we serve God, even to the point of sacrifice and inconvenience and even pain (like Jesus), then I believe that we will see people "lined up" (figuratively speaking) to experience the grace of God through Jesus Christ.  Of course it won't be easy.  I don't think dying on a cross was easy.  I don't think being tortured for your beliefs is easy.  I don't think the emotional turmoil of investing in others' messy lives is easy.  However, we have the power of the Holy Spirit, and we have the backing of the almighty God.  I can't speak to what this might look like in your life.  Maybe you're already there.  Maybe your still searching for a relationship with Jesus.  Maybe you think you're too busy to give any more.  Wherever you are, I challenge you to pray about it, like I am going to try to.  Pray, listen, and then try to obey...regardless of how uncomfortable or crazy it seems.  If we love God and love others well, then we will make an impact on our world for Christ.

Well...once again I am pushing midnight.  I have spent over 2 hours writing this.  By the time I get pictures in it will be too late.  And I still want to get up early tomorrow.   Oh well!  :)  Happy March!      

Idea Season and the Battle of the To-Dos

At the start of this year I resolved that I would try to write a post once a month.  This is not because I feel like my life is all that noteworthy, or because I am seeking recognition.  It's just something I resolved to do...for me.  There are a few minutes left in January 2020, so I am going to try to sneak this one in under the wire.  (I made it the first time...then decided to fix my typos).

The Mentzer Family snowman style

I consider the early winter months (January-March, or until planting starts), my "idea season".  Colder weather outside, combined with a new calendar and farming year, gets the "what could I/we do differently this time" juices flowing in my brain.  Here are some areas that have been my focus.  If anyone out there has their own ideas to share, I welcome them!

1)  Ideas for how to de-clutter, organize and manage my home better.  This is a never-ending project.  Nathan teases me that he never can find anything because I am always moving things around.  That is totally an exaggeration :) , although I am always looking for better ways to manage space, toys, and the stacks of school and business papers that infiltrate our cozy home.  Most of my household thoughts this go-around have been centered on the need to declutter a whole slew of small areas (cabinets, closets, etc.) that after four years of living here desperately need to be gone through.  On the farm side, I am still trying to devise a good flow of documentation (receipts, scale-tickets, etc.) that doesn't leave stacks of papers waiting to be filed, and so we can always find what we need, when we need it, with less stress in the moment.

2)  Ideas for bible and life lessons I want to be teaching my children.  For the entire last half of 2019, I told myself that in 2020 we would be focusing on prayer.  For me, I believe it to be the best way to cope with the fears and daily stressors that come at us from all sides.  I believe prayer has power.  I want to pray, but making it a daily habit has been hard for me.  Slowly, very slowly, the kiddos have been learning about prayer, and even picking up on a couple of different prayers, but I have not been as diligent as I would like to be about my own prayer life, or about helping my family become a family who prayers.  Any advice is this area is appreciated!

This melts my heart!  E reading bible stories to C.

3)  Ideas for promoting fellowship and fostering heart-felt worship at church.  I had lots of zeal last year, spurred on by a friend from church, and I got myself on not one but two church committees.  I have very much enjoyed getting to know the individuals I serve with, and learning more about our church.  This year I have met with some discouraging disappointments in this area, and I admit it has made me a little less enthusiastic and less confident in the work our committees are trying to do.  Again, I feel this is an opportunity where continuous prayer and seeking God's will are the key.  I just need to get into the habit of doing it.

I feel like January was a bit of a drag.  It was harder than usual to get motivated.  A couple of disappointments, a handful of new "outside the home" responsibilities, and too many nights of "burning the candle at both ends" have been weighing on me.  My time feels so limited, and each day is the continuation of the "Battle of the To-Dos".  I love the moments when I invest fully in great activities and learning opportunities with my kids, but the ever-present state of household chores and farm accounts and other responsibilities are always looming in the background.  Both things need to get done.  I realize that I am a bit of an "chronic improver" by nature, and I keep thinking "if I could get my house under control, then I would be able to maintain the mess", rather than always feeling like I am emergency cleaning or having to stay up most of the night to get things done after the kids are in bed.  The mom-blog experts would tell me that my family household "systems" are broken and that I should take "better care of me".  Both are probably true, but I haven't figured out quite how to do that yet.  I know my kids will grow and be gone in the blink of an eye.  In my dream world I would just play with and teach my kids all day long, and magically delicious food would appear on the table and everything would somehow get cleaned up on it's own.  But that's not reality.  I know, it's a common struggle for young moms or busy moms.  I'm not really complaining here...just being honest about what is.  Yes, I am sure there are ways I could make life easier for myself, but there are opportunity costs there too.  I feel like I live a very crazy, yet beautiful life.  I love my kids, our time together, my hubby, where we live, and what we have chosen to do to make a living.  There are plenty of dreams, mission fields and opportunities here to embrace and build upon...the only thing I feel like I lack is a little more energy.  :)